Are you the type of person who can’t resist checking your phone at a red light or while waiting in line at the store? Do you find yourself always trying to fix things when a loved one is upset, even if it means talking too much? Maybe you’re constantly checking your work projects and skipping meals out of fear of not measuring up.
If these behaviors aren’t causing any harm, then there may not be a problem. However, for many people, these habits can be counterproductive and worth addressing. To determine if your behavior falls into this category, it’s important to consider the purpose it serves. Ask yourself, am I doing this to avoid an uncomfortable feeling, or is my response genuinely necessary?
Different situations can trigger varying levels of anxiety and discomfort in each of us. The more challenging a situation is, the more fear we may experience, while easier situations may cause less distress. The same applies to our internal thoughts and emotions. Difficult memories or thoughts can be harder to process and may lead us to focus on avoiding the discomfort they bring.
The underlying issue is often not the situation itself, but rather our attempt to avoid the uncomfortable feelings it evokes. Making decisions based on the situation rather than our emotions about it is crucial. If you find yourself constantly checking things or trying to eliminate uncertainty, you may be reinforcing the idea that your thoughts and feelings are dangerous.
When someone we care about is upset, our focus shifts to resolving their discomfort, sometimes at the expense of our own well-being. Instead of trying to make uncomfortable feelings disappear, we should work on being better at acknowledging and processing them. One way to do this is by pausing before reacting.
Practicing the PAUSE technique can help build the skills needed to cope with discomfort. PAUSE stands for Pause, Assess, Unclench, Soften, and Engage. By taking a moment to stop and assess the situation, we can prevent impulsive reactions driven by fear. Learning to soften our physical tension and focus on the present moment can also help us navigate challenging situations with more ease.
Responding to fear in a new way is a skill that requires practice and patience. Start small by resisting the urge to check your phone in non-essential situations, and gradually increase your tolerance for discomfort. Remember, it’s okay to take a step back if you feel overwhelmed. Consistency and repetition are key to building confidence in handling discomfort effectively.
Just like any skill, there is no need for perfection. The goal is to practice consistently and cultivate patience as you learn to coexist with uncomfortable feelings.