Challenges. Inconsistencies. Puzzlements.
When I initially wrote down these three terms while conversing with a stranger about an article we had both read, they appeared to be distinct concepts. And indeed, they are. Each word carries its own unique significance.
However, upon further reflection, I realized that these words are more closely intertwined than I had initially thought. They are like different facets of the same experience, subtly different yet deeply interconnected.
As human beings, especially in the context of relationships, these three elements seem to be constantly present. Challenges emerge from disagreements, inconsistencies arise when we fail to uphold our previous beliefs, and puzzlement sets in when faced with such situations.
Often, we do not realize when these challenges begin to manifest. We simply find ourselves immersed in them, wondering why relationships feel burdensome, why conversations drain us, and why comprehension seems just out of reach.
Navigating a Complex Web
It took me years to realize that I was entangled in a complex web that was growing increasingly vast and constricting over time.
There came a point when I no longer wanted to merely pause; I wanted to break free from the web entirely. I desired to understand the direction I was heading in and, more importantly, why.
Instead of seeking answers from others, as I had always done, I took a different approach: I observed myself from an external perspective. It was as though I was analyzing the behaviors and reactions of another individual.
What I observed initially unsettled me deeply and made me feel even more confused. It was akin to facing a mirror that I had avoided for years. Yet, as I allowed myself to process this discomfort, I found that it gradually grounded me.
Surprisingly, I discovered that I had unknowingly contributed to the very challenges, inconsistencies, and puzzlements that had weighed heavily on me.
My mind was cluttered with endless questions, some overlapping, some seeking answers, and others unable to be articulated clearly. I harbored silent blame that I wished to shift onto others. I craved validation that I had been fair, accommodating, and perhaps taken advantage of.
Beneath it all was an expectation that someone, someday, would acknowledge and validate my feelings. I anticipated that they would understand my perspective, believing that recognition and validation alone would bring relief.
Ultimately, this cycle had become an unending loop.
Asking a Compassionate Question
After viewing myself from an external vantage point, I posed a crucial question to myself: How would I perceive myself if I were to stand in someone else’s shoes—the same shoes that I believed no one could ever comprehend?
This question softened something within me. It highlighted how frequently I contradicted myself in my words, actions, and beliefs. I noticed that I spoke about setting boundaries but rarely implemented them. I observed the behaviors of others and reflected on them, yet I struggled to apply the same introspection inwardly.
I noticed how I spoke about boundaries but rarely set them. How I observed behaviors in others and wrote reflections about them, yet struggled to apply the same clarity inward.
This realization did not shame or embarrass me; instead, it brought a sense of calm. Subsequently, I began to contemplate from an internal perspective. The internal turmoil began to subside, the questions dissipated, and the need to prove, defend, or seek retribution faded away.
I had struggled to establish boundaries, to say no without guilt, and to acknowledge that avoiding discomfort only exacerbates chaos. It had become excessively self-focused.
For the first time, I comprehended that the challenges, inconsistencies, and puzzlements in my life stemmed from within me. By understanding them and examining them from a different viewpoint, many of the thoughts and emotions within me began to unravel.
Suddenly, the confusion became clearer—not because the past had changed, but because my relationship with it had evolved.
Transforming Words into Guideposts
What initially seemed like daunting concepts—challenges, inconsistencies, and puzzlements—gradually transformed into tools. They became my guideposts, signaling me to pause, reflect, and respond thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively.
By learning to identify these markers early on, I realized that I could alter my approach: not by imposing restrictions or controlling others, but by gaining a better understanding of myself and learning to establish boundaries in a more composed manner.
As I pen these words, I can sense a palpable release within me. Knots that eluded identification are quietly unraveling. And if you find yourself at a similar juncture, I hope this introspection provides you with the same sense of reassurance it afforded me: that clarity does not always stem from external validation, but from the courage to look inward with honesty and compassion.
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image: geralt