Maddie and her 13-year-old son, Justin, heard Jim Daly while in the car together. They heard me say that junior high kids want their parents to listen to them. Right there in the parking lot, Justin said, “He’s right, Mom. I’d love it if you’d just listen to me sometimes.”
Good listening is a skill. Teenagers don’t open up very often, so when they do, take advantage. When my son, Trent, was younger, he got chatty at night. Usually right about the time I was struggling to keep my eyes open, Trent would start sharing about his friends or something that happened at school that day. But no matter how tired I was, I’d perk up when he started talking and engage with him.
But what if your teenager doesn’t want to talk?
My first thought is don’t try too hard to force a conversation. Trent would talk my ear off one night, but the next night his only vocabulary would be “yep” and “nope.” Great conversations aren’t likely to happen every day, so don’t force your teen to open up.
My second thought is to tune in to Focus on the Family with Jim Daly and listen to my conversation with Dr. Heather Holleman, author of the book The Six Conversations: Pathways to Connecting in an Age of Isolation and Incivility, and her husband, Ashley, the executive director of Seated and Sent, a ministry he and Heather founded.
They’re sharing practical ideas for encouraging healthy conversations with your child that will strengthen your relationship and teach your child how to build strong connections of their own. Core to their ideas are four mindsets of a loving conversation:
- Be curious. Show genuine interest in the person to whom you are talking.
- Believe the best. Show your conversation partner respect and admiration and extend God’s grace to them.
- Express concern. To have a genuine, loving conversation, be invested in the other person.
- Mutual sharing. Share stories about your own life, moments that made you laugh or fearful.