Communication can be difficult for teenagers. When my boys Trent and Troy were younger, I usually tried to strike up a conversation every morning as I drove them to school. Sometimes they were thoughtful and had a lot to say. Other days, all I got were one-word answers.
Many homes feel disconnected because children are distracted by technology. Research indicates that teenagers spend as many as seven to nine hours every day in front of some kind of screen, from computers and smartphones to tablets and televisions.
Lengthy screen times are not necessarily worse than other behaviors (like drug use, for example), but heavy technology use can still be a destructive habit. Most teenagers and parents either ignore or are unaware of the intense, widespread negative effects of too much screen time, including:
- Disrupted sleep patterns.
- A drop in grades.
- An increase in bullying.
- An increased pressure to feel accepted.
- An increase in sexting.
In response, many parents try relentless nagging, which usually gets ignored; or resignation, that is, feeling powerless because “technology is so pervasive what can you do?”
Author Jonathan McKee says a better strategy for parents is to be proactive instead of reactive. With over 20 years of youth ministry experience in which he has spoken to parents, leaders and teens worldwide, Jonathan reminds moms and dads that parenting is all about relationship, not dictatorship. It’s about listening and connecting while setting healthy boundaries.
Children need both bonding and boundaries. If you only set boundaries but don’t bond, your kids will become sneaky and disconnect from you. If you only bond and don’t set boundaries, your children will have free reign over the dangerous world of the internet.
How do you find the right balance?
Jonathon McKee is joining me on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly to give you practical tips for helping your children put their screens away and connect, including:
- Talking about shoes.
- Gardening.
- A no headphones policy.
- Taking a “don’t fast.”
- Encouraging back talk.