One of my close friends, Ellen, celebrates her birthday on October 30th, the day before Halloween. It seems like I always forget her special day until after Halloween has passed. She jokingly tells me that no one remembers, but she doesn’t mind. Ellen is content with a low-key celebration, maybe just a quiet dinner with her adult daughters and their partners.
On the other hand, my mother, who was born on Christmas Day, never liked sharing her birthday with a religious holiday. I vividly remember a time when my brother, father, and I forgot to put birthday cards on her gifts, and she retreated to her room, overcome with tears. I was just a child at the time, filled with guilt and shame. Despite her challenging upbringing, which included poverty, loss, and early widowhood, my mother displayed immense strength and resilience in creating a better life for herself and her family. However, the holiday season always stirred up deep-seated emotions of resentment and sadness within her.
My own experiences during the holidays used to involve a sense of loneliness and a fear of being alone during Thanksgiving or Christmas. Even surrounded by my family, I often felt isolated and disconnected. As an adult, I found myself constantly on the move during the holidays, visiting relatives and friends in an attempt to ward off feelings of loneliness.
Exploring the Psychological Impact of the Holidays
It can be challenging to analyze the psychological aspects of holiday celebrations. Many people choose to dismiss the holidays altogether, viewing them as overrated and stressful. However, it’s essential to consider why these festive occasions evoke such strong emotions. For some individuals, the pressure to spend time with estranged family members can lead to feelings of anxiety and depression. By delving deep into these emotions and exploring their root causes, individuals may uncover unresolved issues that contribute to their holiday-related distress.
For my husband, the holiday season has always been a time of depression, stemming from his disappointment in his own family. Through therapy and self-reflection, he has come to realize the underlying feelings of loneliness and unappreciation that he experienced within his family. Holiday depression served as a shield, protecting him from confronting the true source of his sadness during a time traditionally associated with familial love.
Distinguishing Between Depression and Sadness
It took me years to understand the distinction between depression and sadness. While they may manifest similarly, depression is characterized by a sense of hopelessness and despair, a pervasive feeling of emptiness and darkness. On the other hand, sadness acknowledges grief, loss, and unmet needs. It requires agency and introspection to confront and address the underlying causes of sorrow.
Many individuals, including my mother, husband, and myself, navigate the holiday season through the lens of sadness and sorrow. By acknowledging and processing these emotions, there is an opportunity to redefine our holiday experiences and find new perspectives.
Wishing you a peaceful holiday season.