It’s wise to think about your relationships in terms of boundaries. Kathy and Tom didn’t, and it got their marriage off to a rocky start.
Kathy, an introvert, blamed Tom, an extrovert, for smothering her. He placed such an emphasis on spending time together that Kathy often felt like she had no personal space or time for herself. Tom, in turn, interpreted Kathy’s desire for space as a lack of love for him, leaving him feeling hurt and disconnected.
How did they sort through it all? Boundaries.
A relational boundary is a line that separates things and defines who “owns” what, like feelings, attitudes, and behaviors. If there is a problem with one of those, the problem belongs to whoever owns that feeling, attitude, or behavior. A husband and wife are free to make their own choices, but they must also take responsibility for them.
When boundaries break down, a marriage breaks down as well. But good boundaries make good marriages.
To help you create healthy boundaries and a marriage that thrives, I’ve invited psychologist and New York Times bestselling author, Dr. John Townsend, to be my guest on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly.
Healthy boundaries are not about fixing, changing, or punishing our mate. They’re about taking ownership of our own lives. To have true, biblical oneness with our spouse, we must become a complete individual ourselves.
If boundaries have broken down so severely that you’re on the brink of divorce, our Hope Restored marriage intensives can go a long way toward facilitating healing between you and your spouse and restoring your relationship. The number for Hope Restored is 1-866-875-2915, or click here. The intensives take place in five locations:
- Branson, Missouri
- Greenville, Michigan
- The WinShape Retreat Center in Rome, Georgia
- Cave Creek, Arizona
- Wimberley, Texas