I don’t know if there’s a secret to building a happy marriage, but there’s one idea that comes pretty close. The happiest couples know their spouse well and feel like their spouse knows them.
There’s a word for that. It’s called intimacy, and the only way to develop relational connection like that is good communication. That means more than talking about the weather. You have to open your hearts to one another and connect at a deeper level.
What’s the best way to give your relationship the attention it needs?
Some couples like to plan special nights where they take an entire evening to re-connect. Others take walks through the neighborhood. Really, almost any approach will do as long as both spouses feel like they’re connecting heart to heart.
Dr. Heather Holleman, author of the book The Six Conversations: Pathways to Connecting in an Age of Isolation and Incivility says she bases communication in her marriage, her parenting, and with others on the idea of “positive regard.” That’s a therapeutic approach that suggests the best way to open someone’s heart is to accept them as they are in that moment. Acceptance opens a relationship to deeper connection by building a foundation of respect, trust, and care.
Dr. Holleman is joining me on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly to offer practical strategies for better communication with your spouse and pursuing Christ together. Heather’s husband, Ashley, also joined our conversation. He serves as Executive Director of Seated and Sent, a ministry they both founded.
We discussed several ideas you can implement today, such as:
- Four L’s of a caring bond.
- Four mindsets of a loving conversation.
- Three goals of conversation.
- Overcoming struggles to maintain your warm connection.
- Six pathways to enter loving connection with your spouse.