As the holiday season approaches and you gather with loved ones, take the time to sit down with an older relative or friend. According to Cornell Gerontologist Karl Pillemer, this presents a unique opportunity to seek wisdom and advice from those who have lived a long life.
For more than twenty years, Pillemer has been collecting insights from older adults through the Cornell Legacy Project. This project has involved conversations with over 1,500 Americans in their 80s, 90s, and even 100s, making it the largest collection of elder wisdom ever compiled.
Recently, Pillemer appeared on The Mel Robbins Podcast to share some of the key findings from The Legacy Project. These insights challenge our conventional notions of happiness, relationships, and what truly matters in life, making them particularly relevant during a season often overshadowed by materialism.
One striking revelation from the project is that not a single person among the 1,200 interviewed expressed regret over not making more money or acquiring more possessions. Instead, the elders emphasized the importance of cherishing moments, expressing love, and taking risks in life.
When asked about avoiding regrets in old age, the elders highlighted several key themes. Their number one regret was wasting time worrying about things that never came to pass. They stressed the importance of living in the present moment and not letting worries steal joy from life.
Another common regret shared by the elders was not expressing love and appreciation to others enough. They emphasized the finite nature of time and the importance of seizing opportunities to show love and seek forgiveness before it’s too late.
Surprisingly, the elders also expressed more regret over things they didn’t do in life rather than the things they did. They encouraged taking risks, trying new things, and embracing challenges, even if they lead to difficulties.
From his extensive interviews, Pillemer distilled six core principles for living well based on the wisdom of older adults:
1. Embrace opportunities and say yes to new experiences.
2. Choose your life partner carefully based on shared values and compatibility.
3. Pursue meaningful work that brings fulfillment.
4. Speak your mind and express love and forgiveness while you still can.
5. Travel and create lasting memories with loved ones.
6. Remember that happiness is a choice, regardless of life’s challenges.
As you connect with family and friends this holiday season, consider engaging in deeper conversations with older relatives. Ask them about their life experiences, regrets, and advice for living well. These interactions can offer valuable insights and create meaningful connections across generations.