Childhood adversity and childhood trauma are different.
Every child faces adversity. It’s part of being human in an imperfect, fallen world. Trauma, on the other hand, is a profoundly distressing experience that impacts a child’s sense of safety, trust, and control.
I experienced a lot of both as a kid. My parents divorced when I was five. My dad was in and out of my life for years afterward until he died addicted to alcohol, broken and alone. Hank, my stepdad, walked out on my siblings and me when I was nine, on the day of my mother’s funeral. Even my foster dad, Mr. Reil, brought chaos into my life instead of peace and comfort.
I also remember a small airplane crashing right across the street from where I lived when I was 14 years old. After calling 911, I ran to the burning wreckage and helped a couple of 20-somethings get out. At first, I thought they were the only ones on the plane but soon realized that the young men’s fathers were also aboard. They were dead. After the young men and I got away from the plane another Good Samaritan rushed in to help. But just at that moment the plane exploded. He survived but was severely burned.
That incident was traumatic for me, but I never talked about it with anyone. Sure, I told people what happened, but for years I never talked about what I experienced or how it impacted me.
Silence is not uncommon for children in pain. Maybe you’ve never talked about your childhood pain. Maybe your children have never discussed theirs. What do we do about it?
I recently asked Dr. Nicole Wilke about that on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. Having been raised in a foster and adoptive family with over 70 foster siblings in her lifetime, she has personally witnessed the impact of adversity and trauma in children. And as a therapist and director of the Center on Applied Research for Vulnerable Children and Families, an initiative of the Christian Alliance for Orphans, she is an expert in children who have experienced complex trauma.
She says children are resilient if they’re given the proper care and nurture. They can not only overcome adversity and trauma, but they can become stronger through it. She says there is a link between early adversity and achievement. Managed properly, early adversity can spark significant personal growth far surpassing that of children who never experience adversity.
We discussed:
• Understanding early adversity and trauma.
• Building a support system for kids who experience early adversity.
• The hidden blessings of resilience.
• God’s plan for children who experience early adversity.
• Developing resilience without the influence of trauma.
• Helping your child develop biblical character.
Psalm 34:18 says, “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
Before you go, I’d like to invite you to become a special partner with us through our monthly “Friends of Focus on the Family” program. When you do, I’ll send you a copy of Dr. Nicole Wilke’s book Overcoming: What Scripture and Science Say About Resilience as well as her children’s book Caleb Koala’s Comeback Ride: A Journey to Overcoming as a way of saying thank you for touching others with the love of Christ. You’ll also receive member-exclusive benefits. To make your pledge, or for more information, click here.