The Dangers of Over-Giving: How People Pleasing Can Lead to Depletion and Burnout
In a society that often glorifies selflessness and altruism, it can be easy to fall into the trap of over-giving, fawning, and people-pleasing to an extreme degree. This behavior, while seemingly noble on the surface, can actually have detrimental effects on our mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
One woman’s story, shared in an upcoming book titled Relationsick, sheds light on the dark side of excessive giving. After years of putting others’ needs before her own, she found herself depleted, burned out, and ultimately diagnosed with cancer. As she delved into the depths of her shadow self through Internal Family Systems therapy, she realized the extent to which her own behaviors had contributed to her illness.
In conversations with a friend, she grappled with the changes she needed to make in her life to prevent the cancer from returning. She needed to become more assertive, set boundaries, and stand up for herself in her relationships, particularly in her marriage. The idea of disappointing others or expressing anger made her anxious, as she feared that asserting herself would lead to a recurrence of her cancer.
But as she explored her fears and insecurities, she began to question whether her illness was a result of her inability to advocate for herself. Could her cancer be a wake-up call, urging her to prioritize her own needs and desires over those of others? Was her refusal to confront uncomfortable truths about her relationships contributing to her physical ailment?
The concept of intuition and spiritual guidance also came into play as she navigated these difficult decisions. While it can be comforting to believe that a higher power is guiding our choices, it’s essential to discern between true intuition and the deceptive whispers of our own fears and desires. Just as Hansel and Gretel were led astray by breadcrumbs, we too can be lured into traps by our own misguided beliefs and wishes.
In one friend’s case, a con artist disguised as a spiritual messenger manipulated her into believing that leaving her husband and pursuing a romantic relationship with him was her divine calling. By preying on her insecurities and desires, he convinced her that she was chosen for a grand mission of planetary importance, one that required her to abandon her earthly commitments for a higher purpose.
As she followed what she believed to be signs from the Universe, she found herself entangled in a web of deception and manipulation. What she thought was spiritual guidance turned out to be a clever ruse orchestrated by a cunning charlatan. Her willingness to trust in external sources of validation led her down a dangerous path, one that nearly cost her everything she held dear.
The lesson here is clear: while compassion and altruism are admirable qualities, they should never come at the expense of our own well-being. Learning to set boundaries, prioritize self-care, and listen to our inner voice with discernment are essential tools for navigating the complex terrain of relationships and personal growth. By honoring our true needs and desires, we can avoid the pitfalls of over-giving and people-pleasing, paving the way for a healthier, more fulfilling life. As she stood at her front door, a sense of bodily intelligence validated her inner guidance. She couldn’t ignore the goosebumps that covered her entire body, signaling that it was time to take action. Finding a photo of her Guru on the floor, a sign she hadn’t placed there herself, further confirmed her path.
With a feeling of divine blessing and alignment with God’s will, she made a decision that would change her life. Jack’s arrival that night was met with a resounding “yes,” as she trusted in the path laid out before her.
Little did she know, a deceptive part of her psyche had manipulated her into betraying her values, deceiving her husband, and giving away her fortune to a fraudster who ultimately abandoned her. This experience taught her the importance of understanding and working with all aspects of herself.
In the upcoming Part 2 of this series, we will explore how to recognize when our inner parts may be leading us astray and offer guidance on how to navigate these challenges. Additionally, join us for a weekend workshop on IFS For Self-Healing on October 4-5, where you can learn how to engage with your inner parts and cultivate self-awareness.
By practicing IFS, we can cultivate a compassionate awareness of our inner workings and prevent our sneaky parts from taking control. Through self-reflection and discernment, we can distinguish between the agendas of our parts and the true intentions of our inner Self.
It’s essential to approach our inner conflicts with love and clarity, avoiding the pitfalls of magical thinking and manipulation. By understanding the motives behind our actions, we can make empowered choices aligned with our highest good.
Join us in exploring the depths of our inner landscape and uncovering the wisdom that lies within. Remember, when in doubt, just ask.