Popular author and relationship expert Dr. Gary Chapman describes conscience as a five-gallon bucket strapped to our backs. Every time we do wrong against someone, we add a measure of liquid. After a few mistakes, our burden becomes heavier. After a few more, heavier still. Eventually, our conscience becomes so full, so heavy to bear, that the contents splash out in unhelpful ways, on us and everyone around us.
In Acts 24:16, the apostle Paul says of himself: “So I always take pains to have a clear conscience toward both God and man.” The phrase “take pains” can also be translated as “strive,” “train,” or “exercise.” In other words, Paul says, “I discipline myself.” To do what? “To have a clear conscience toward both God and man.”
According to Dr. Chapman, nothing is more fundamental to mental health, specifically spiritual health, than living with a clear conscience.
On Focus on the Family with Jim Daly, I’m airing a recorded talk by Dr. Chapman in which he explains how easily walls of resentment can build between us and our loved ones, and why we can – and should – tear those walls down from our side through forgiveness.
Dr. Chapman describes three steps for getting the beam out of our eye and tearing down the wall of resentment from our side:
- Identify our own failures.
- Confess those things to God. Confession agrees that:
- Certain behavior is wrong.
- Christ paid the penalty.
- Forgiveness is appropriate and necessary.
- Confess to the other person.
When we humble ourselves and take these steps, we increase the possibility that our spouse will forgive us in return. Even if they don’t, we’ve done the first and most important thing that Jesus taught – we’ve torn down the wall from our side.