Perfectionism is commonly defined as the relentless pursuit of flawlessness and setting extremely high standards that can feel unattainable. This pursuit often leads to internal pressure, anxiety, depression, and shame when we feel like we fall short. It can impact our self-esteem and relationships with others.
Perfectionism is deeply rooted in our history and inner life, influenced by past relationships and underlying anxieties. It is also shaped by present social structures, economic systems, and cultural norms. In this article, we will focus on the psychological and developmental aspects of perfectionism.
Early relationships play a significant role in the development of perfectionism. Our childhood experiences form the basis for how we view ourselves and others, often unconsciously. Internalizing unrealistic expectations from caregivers can lead to a split sense of self, with high standards representing “goodness” and imperfections viewed as “badness.” This can result in harsh self-criticism and a continuous pursuit of perfection.
Attachment history can also contribute to perfectionism, especially in cases of insecure attachment where individuals seek control and stability through perfectionistic behaviors. Without secure attachment figures to mirror and validate our experiences, we may struggle to form a cohesive sense of self and rely on external validation through perfectionism.
Therapy, particularly psychodynamic psychotherapy, can help individuals address perfectionism by exploring their relational patterns, attachment experiences, and sense of self. By gaining insight into the origins of perfectionistic tendencies and fostering self-compassion and acceptance, therapy can guide individuals towards embracing imperfections and forming genuine connections with others.
Embarking on a therapeutic journey can lead to liberation from the constraints of perfectionism, allowing individuals to cultivate authentic relationships and a healthier sense of self. To find a therapist, consider browsing the Psychology Today Therapy Directory or contacting psychotherapists at Fermata Psychotherapy for in-person or virtual therapy in Chicago and throughout Illinois.