The term “estranged” has always made me uneasy when people use it to describe my relationship with my father. While technically we haven’t communicated in over a decade, the word “estranged” doesn’t quite capture the reality of the situation. It implies a mutual decision or conflict, which is not the case for us.
After years of reflection, I’ve come to realize that our situation is better defined as abandonment. My father chose to leave without explanation or accountability, ceasing all contact and care. This type of abandonment is different from a mutual decision to estrange oneself from a family member due to conflict or safety concerns.
Estrangement is a topic gaining attention in recent years, with statistics showing that a significant number of Americans are estranged from a parent. However, the reasons behind these estrangements are often overlooked. Many people choose to distance themselves from toxic or abusive family members for their own well-being, resulting in a different kind of grief and trauma.
The distinction between estrangement and abandonment is crucial, especially for survivors of parental abandonment. When a parent simply disappears from their child’s life, it leaves a deep emotional wound that cannot be easily healed. By acknowledging the difference between abandonment and estrangement, we can better support those who have experienced the pain of being left without a choice.
As discussions around familial relationships evolve, it’s important to recognize and name abandonment for what it is. By addressing the unique pain and challenges faced by survivors of parental abandonment, we can help them make sense of their experiences and move towards healing. It’s essential to highlight the responsibility of the abandoning parent and dispel any feelings of shame or self-blame that may linger in the aftermath.
In conclusion, the distinction between estrangement and abandonment is significant for understanding the complex dynamics of family relationships. By acknowledging the reality of parental abandonment, we can provide support and validation to those who have been left without a choice. It’s important to address these issues openly and compassionately to foster healing and understanding among survivors of abandonment.