Valentine’s Day is a time when love is on full display. Couples post photos, exchange gifts, and the whole week can feel like a public declaration of their relationship status. However, if you find yourself in a situationship, this visibility can intensify your feelings in unexpected ways.
You may be wondering why everything feels more challenging during this time. Psychology offers some insights into why this might be the case.
A situationship is a unique type of connection characterized by emotional intimacy and ongoing contact, but without clear labels, expectations, or commitment. Research on uncertainty in close relationships suggests that this ambiguity can increase mental load, stress, and emotional insecurity because your brain is constantly trying to predict what will happen next.
Valentine’s Day shines a spotlight on this uncertainty, making it even more pronounced.
1. Social Comparison Gets Supercharged
Social comparison theory posits that people evaluate themselves by comparing their situation to others, especially when societal norms dictate what the “right” answer should be. During Valentine’s Day, you are bombarded with images of happy couples and romantic gestures, which can trigger thoughts like, “Are we falling behind?”, “If they truly cared, they would do something special for me,” or “Why am I not being publicly acknowledged as part of a couple?” These comparisons can impact your self-esteem and mood, depending on the level of closeness and how you interpret the comparison.
2. Uncertainty Can Feel Like a Threat
When a relationship lacks clarity, your brain perceives this missing information as a potential risk. Research indicates that relational uncertainty can activate stress responses in your body, including the release of cortisol. This means that questions like “Are we doing anything for Valentine’s Day?” or “What are we, exactly?” can lead to feelings of anxiety, tension, and rumination.
3. You Start Scanning for “Proof” of Where You Stand
In uncertain relationships, people often seek out information to make sense of the situation and reduce ambiguity. Valentine’s Day can exacerbate this behavior, as the holiday presents numerous opportunities for “evidence moments” that can either confirm or challenge your perception of the relationship.
4. A Holiday Can Trigger a “Life Check-In”
Certain calendar events prompt individuals to reflect on their goals, identity, and whether their current circumstances align with their desires. This introspection, known as the “fresh start” effect, can be both beneficial and painful in a situationship, as it forces you to confront the misalignment between your emotional investment and the lack of commitment.
Why It Can Feel Worse Than Being Single
Being single or in a committed relationship provides clear boundaries, whereas a situationship exists in a gray area that breeds ongoing uncertainty. This ambiguity can amplify feelings of distress, as it is not just about feeling lonely but also grappling with the uncertainty of the situation.
What To Do This Valentine’s Week (Without Spiraling)
If you are struggling with these emotions, here are some evidence-based strategies to help you navigate this challenging time:
1. Acknowledge the factors triggering your emotions, such as social pressure and uncertainty.
2. Look for patterns in your relationship dynamics rather than focusing on isolated incidents.
3. Communicate openly with your partner to reduce ambiguity and seek clarity.
4. Prioritize your emotional well-being and aim for consistency in your relationship over time, rather than seeking validation on Valentine’s Day.
The Bottom Line
Situationships can feel particularly challenging during Valentine’s Day because the holiday amplifies the lack of definition in the relationship. Social comparisons become more pronounced, uncertainty feels more overwhelming, and the search for validation intensifies. Remember, if you are feeling hurt, it is a valid response to the ambiguity you are experiencing. The Magic of Traveling: Exploring the World and Discovering Yourself
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