The divorce rate in the United States has been on the decline overall, but there has been a noticeable increase in what is known as gray divorce, particularly among women. Gray divorce, also referred to as silver splitting, is the term used for divorces that occur in couples over the age of 50. While the overall rate of gray divorce has doubled in the past thirty years, the rate for couples over 65 has tripled.
It is interesting to note that women are the ones initiating 70% of divorces in heterosexual relationships of all ages. Despite the stigma still attached to divorce, there has been a shift as women feel more comfortable discussing their experiences. Changing the narrative from a "failed marriage" to a "family restructuring" has helped reduce feelings of guilt and shame surrounding divorce. Based on my experience working with women going through separation and divorce, here are five trends I have observed in couples deciding to part ways.
- Increased Lifespan: With both men and women living longer lives, couples who have been married for 30 or 40 years are looking towards their future and realizing they don’t want to spend their remaining years in an unfulfilling marriage. After years of caregiving, many women want to focus on their own interests and identity. This often leads to a decision to live independently or seek a more compatible romantic relationship.
- Empty Nest: Many mothers feel obligated to stay in a marriage for the sake of their children, but once the nest is empty, they start to reevaluate their relationship. With more time to think about their own needs, many women discover they have little in common with their spouses, leading to a desire for change.
- Financial Independence: Women have made significant financial strides in recent decades, while men have not necessarily increased their contributions to household labor. This imbalance can strain relationships and contribute to rising divorce rates initiated by women. Despite previous financial obstacles to divorce, women today have more career opportunities and financial autonomy.
- Infidelity: In long-term marriages, the romantic and physical aspects may diminish over time, leading one or both partners to seek intimacy outside the marriage. Infidelity rates among older adults show a gender gap, with men more likely to have affairs as they age. While infidelity doesn’t always result in divorce, it can create irreparable damage in a marriage.
- Health Concerns: As couples age, health issues become more prevalent and can increase stress within a relationship. Women, often the primary caregivers, may take on additional responsibilities when their spouse falls ill. Research shows that in heterosexual marriages, there is a higher risk of divorce if the wife becomes seriously ill, with more men leaving their marriages in such circumstances.
In conclusion, women who divorce later in life face unique challenges such as financial worries, career stress, and concerns about finding a new partner. However, many women in this situation possess strong social networks, a willingness to seek help, and problem-solving skills that contribute to their healing and growth post-divorce. Gray divorce is often seen as an opportunity for women to finally live life on their own terms and find empowerment and happiness.