When it comes to forgiveness, the word itself can bring up a range of emotions. It’s not as simple as just forgiving and moving on, especially when you’ve been deeply hurt or betrayed. The idea of forgiveness can feel impossible and even unfair, like you’re being asked to ignore the pain you’ve experienced.
For a long time, I struggled with the concept of forgiveness. I felt like forgiving meant I had to erase my own pain, which seemed like an impossible task. It took years of healing and reflection for me to see forgiveness in a different light—not as a quick fix, but as a gradual process. It’s not a demand but an invitation.
What forgiveness is not
Forgiveness is not about pretending nothing happened or excusing harm. It doesn’t mean you have to reconcile with the person who hurt you or keep them in your life. Often, we feel pressured to forgive quickly to be the “bigger person,” but in doing so, we ignore our true feelings.
True forgiveness, I’ve come to understand, is not about erasing the past but about loosening its grip on our body and spirit.
The waves of release
Forgiveness comes in waves. Some days, anger and pain may feel overwhelming, while other days, there is a sense of relief and openness. This ebb and flow is a natural part of the process. By allowing forgiveness to unfold at its own pace, I’ve noticed a shift in my inner world. The intensity of the pain softens, and I feel less guarded.
This rhythm is important. Instead of expecting immediate forgiveness, I’ve learned to let it flow naturally, carrying me through the healing process.
Small, soft steps
Forgiveness doesn’t happen overnight. It’s the small, seemingly insignificant gestures that make a difference. Simple actions like taking a deep breath, showing self-compassion, acknowledging the truth, or using physical reminders can help in the forgiveness process.
These actions don’t erase the pain but allow me to stay present with myself and gradually ease the grip of hurt. Each act of self-forgiveness brings a sense of peace and helps me move forward.
Forgiveness in practice
One reader shared a personal practice of gently pressing her hand against her belly before facing a difficult situation. This small gesture helped her soften her stance and remember that she had control over how much she absorbed from the moment. Over time, she found that the pain no longer cut as deeply, and she felt lighter after challenging interactions.
Another shape of forgiveness
Journaling has also been a powerful tool for me in the forgiveness process. Writing a letter to myself after making a mistake allowed me to offer compassion and understanding to myself. This act of self-expression softened the shame I was carrying and showed me that forgiveness can come from within.
Letting go without forcing
Forgiveness cannot be rushed or forced. It’s about allowing our hearts to soften at their own pace and letting go of the energy that weighs us down. Healing has its own rhythm, and it’s important to give ourselves time to heal. Remembering the past doesn’t hinder forgiveness; it deepens our understanding of our truth.
By staying grounded in reality and allowing space for growth, forgiveness becomes a natural process.
And when forgiveness feels impossible, it’s the small moments that matter:
- Can I take a deep breath right now?
- Can I acknowledge my anger without letting it consume me?
- Can I give myself permission to rest, even for a moment?
A wider ripple
Forgiveness doesn’t stop with us—it changes the way we interact with the world. When we release old pain, our words are calmer, our boundaries are clearer, and our presence is more inviting. By letting go of anger, we create space in ourselves and in our relationships. Each step towards forgiveness expands our inner world and shapes how we navigate life.
A gentle closing
Forgiveness is not a one-time event but a continuous practice. Some days it may feel impossible, but even in those moments, a small act of compassion can make a difference. Forgiveness is about opening up internally, allowing our bodies and hearts to settle, and understanding that freedom is achievable, one step at a time.
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