Having experienced challenging relationships in the past, it is common for past fears to resurface even when the right person enters your life. The lack of emotional safety can lead to a rewiring of the brain, causing you to remain alert to potential threats even in healthy relationship dynamics.
Your attachment style, which is influenced by early relationships and past experiences, can also play a significant role in how you respond to a new relationship. It can be challenging to differentiate whether you are with the right person, but you will likely notice a difference compared to previous relationships.
For example, individuals with an anxious attachment style may find that their worries diminish in a secure relationship. On the other hand, those with an avoidant attachment style may perceive intimacy as less threatening and more manageable.
Here are three indicators to help you recognize that you are in a healthy and loving relationship.
1. Assurance of Love
When you are with the right person, doubts about their love for you are rare. You do not find yourself questioning whether they truly love you or overanalyzing every interaction. There is no constant feeling of being judged, criticized, or uneasy.
In a healthy relationship, there are no mind games testing your loyalty, no pressure to prove your worth, and no need to seek affection just to feel acknowledged. With the right person, you feel confident and secure. There is no need to “fix” each other; instead, there is a sense of stability as you both navigate life and grow together.
Furthermore, research published in the European Journal of Investigation in Health, Psychology and Education in 2023 revealed that individuals in stable and intimate relationships tend to experience higher psychological well-being and better stress responses.
The study suggests that in secure relationships, individuals have higher levels of trust in the emotional availability and accessibility of their partners. They feel reassured that their partners will consistently provide a sense of safety, especially during challenging times.
Additionally, the study found that the more stable a relationship is, the lower the need for approval within the relationship. In a healthy relationship, there is no need to doubt yourself or your partner because both parties show up consistently and accept each other unconditionally.
2. Effortless Connection
While it is often said that love should feel “effortless,” it does not imply that no effort is required. Rather, it suggests that the connection flows naturally and continues to evolve even after the initial excitement fades, as both partners actively contribute to nurturing the relationship.
Disagreements may arise, but in a healthy relationship, they serve as opportunities to deepen understanding, practice reconciliation, and strengthen the bond between partners.
In a supportive relationship, you can openly express your concerns and have them addressed constructively, rather than getting entangled in escalating arguments.
Being with the right person does not mean that life becomes perfect or devoid of challenges, but it often feels easier to navigate with your partner by your side. The relationship itself should not be a source of anxiety, self-doubt, or instability. There should be no uncertainty about where you stand with your partner, as it should feel like you are both on the same team, tackling life together.
According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, high-quality relationships share a fundamental component known as “Perceived partner responsiveness.” This entails feeling that your partner genuinely:
- Understands you: Your emotions, needs, and aspirations are comprehended, and you feel heard when sharing your thoughts and feelings.
- Values you: You are appreciated for who you are, rather than for what you can offer.
- Supports you: Your partner provides support, encouragement, and assistance when needed.
- Validates you: Your feelings and thoughts are affirmed, without belittlement. You feel acknowledged and understood.
- Cares for your well-being: Your partner demonstrates care for your growth and happiness, engaging in supportive actions rather than focusing solely on their desires.
Research has shown that when one partner demonstrates such compassionate behavior, it fosters reciprocal responsiveness from the other partner, leading to mutual growth and flourishing.
The right partner simplifies and enriches your life, rather than complicating it. They prioritize your needs, support your aspirations, and remind you that you are not alone in your journey.
3. Mutual Growth
In a healthy relationship, you are not only allowed but actively encouraged to thrive. Your partner does not demand that you sacrifice your identity to fit into their narrative; instead, they support your growth while also focusing on their personal development.
A study published in Family Process in 2021 introduced the Couple Flourishing Measure, a scale designed to capture the dynamic and emotionally fulfilling qualities of flourishing couples.
The research highlighted that flourishing couples do not simply enjoy each other’s company; they grow together. Specifically, flourishing relationships are characterized by:
- Hedonic well-being: This includes experiencing positive emotions, emotional intimacy, satisfaction, and warmth within the relationship.
- Eudaimonic well-being: This involves personal growth, partner compassion, and the creation of shared meaning, where the relationship inspires and supports the development and shared purpose of each partner.
In a thriving relationship, questions like “Will we last forever?” or “Is this person right for me?” are replaced with considerations on how to cultivate a fulfilling life together.
A revised version of this article is also available on Forbes.com.