When it comes to various aspects of life, our tendency is often to look for negatives before we focus on positives. Unfortunately, this pattern of pessimism can also seep into our relationships. We may find it easier to point out weaknesses in the relationship or in our partner rather than acknowledging their strengths.
While this inclination is a natural human instinct rooted in our DNA for self-protection, it is possible to retrain our brains to focus on the positive aspects. By making a conscious effort to recognize what is going well in our relationship and with our partner, we can shift our perspective and see them in a new light.
In the spirit of optimism, here are three indicators that your partner is truly a keeper.
1. They Share Your Energy
Commonly, we hear people talk about the importance of a partner being able to match our energy, to share in our excitement, or to empathize with our feelings. While the terminology may not be scientific, there is research supporting the concept.
In psychology, this idea is known as compersion. According to a 2023 reference in the Encyclopedia of Sexual Psychology and Behavior, compersion involves experiencing positive emotions in alignment with those of another person. In simpler terms, compersion can be seen as feeling joy when witnessing your partner’s happiness, rather than feeling threatened by it.
In a romantic relationship, matching energy is a positive sign. A study from 2024 published in Emotion suggests that greater smile synchrony, which refers to how partners respond to each other’s smiles, is linked to higher relationship satisfaction.
It can be disheartening when you share something exciting only to be met with indifference or dismissal. If your partner can genuinely share in your joy and enthusiasm, it indicates a strong connection.
Whether it’s a quirky article you read or a gaming achievement, you should feel free to express your excitement without reservation. If your partner can join in your celebration, no matter how trivial the moment may seem, then they are displaying a positive sign.
2. They Stand By You
One of the key signs of a healthy relationship is having a partner who supports you when it matters. Whether it’s during family conflicts, disagreements within the relationship, or challenging situations, knowing that your partner will take your side is crucial.
In many cases, individuals may feel isolated or unsupported in such scenarios. However, in a secure relationship, you should feel that your partner will always have your back, no matter the circumstances.
Unwavering support is especially important for individuals who struggle with insecurity or anxiety in close relationships. Partner buffering, as described in a 2020 study, involves one partner helping regulate the other’s emotions during distressing times. This support can range from de-escalating conflicts to providing reassurance.
Relationships Essential Reads
Whether it’s dealing with critical family members or navigating tense situations, having a partner who stands up for you and validates your feelings is a significant aspect of a healthy relationship.
3. They Anticipate Your Needs
In many relationships, one partner may find themselves constantly reminding the other of their needs, only to be labeled as needy. However, it is reasonable to expect effort from a partner without having to repeatedly spell things out.
In a healthy relationship, there is no need for constant reminders or scorekeeping. Research from 2019 published in Personality and Individual Differences highlights the importance of choosing an altruistic partner who cares about your well-being without expecting anything in return. Having a partner who consistently shows up for you without being asked is a strong predictor of long-term relationship satisfaction.
You shouldn’t have to ask your partner to pay attention while you speak or to show basic kindness. In a healthy relationship, these gestures come naturally, without hesitation or resentment.
Whether it’s surprising you with your favorite snack or offering a shoulder rub after a long day, a partner who anticipates your needs and acts on them out of love is a rare gem.
A version of this post is also featured on Forbes.com.